Flight #8 - 14 Strategies for Improving Self-Esteem and Self-Confidence

Welcome to The Flight Shrink newsletter! This is Dr. Kevin Heacock.

Today, let's delve into a topic that's relevant to all of us: strategies for improving self-esteem and self-confidence. In a world that often bombards us with unrealistic standards and comparisons, it's crucial to develop a strong foundation of self-worth and belief in our abilities. Whether you're a pilot, a professional, a student, or anyone navigating life's challenges, cultivating self-esteem and self-confidence can significantly enhance your overall well-being and success.

Before we dive into the strategies, it's essential to understand the concepts we're dealing with here. Self-esteem refers to the overall opinion you have about yourself – how much you value and accept yourself, including your perceived strengths and weaknesses. On the other hand, self-confidence is the belief in your abilities to accomplish goals and tackle challenges effectively. Both of these factors play a vital role in shaping your mental and emotional health.

So here are some powerful strategies to help improve your self-esteem and self-confidence:

1. Practice Self-Compassion:

Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding that you'd offer a close friend. Avoid self-criticism and acknowledge that making mistakes is a natural part of being human. We can be more critical of ourselves than of our friends.  So next time you catch yourself being overly negative about something you’ve done, imagine if your friend was kicking themselves over something they did.  How would you talk to them? Would you pile on and say how terrible they’ve been?  No, you’d console them and help them not feel so bad about it.  And you can do the same for yourself too.

2. Set Realistic Goals:

Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable steps. It’s ok to set really big goals that may be really hard to achieve (like running a marathon).  But when setting smaller goals on the way towards achieving the main goal, make them more achievable (like running a mile 3 times a week).  Accomplishing smaller goals along the way allows you to celebrate your progress and build a sense of accomplishment.  As you build your confidence you can adjust your smaller goals closer and closer to your big goal.  So that, even if you don’t get all the way there you can still feel good about how far you’ve come.

3. Embrace Your Strengths:

Identify your unique qualities, talents, and skills. If you don’t know what these are, ask a trusted friend or colleague what they appreciate about you.  Recognize that everyone has areas where they excel, and these strengths contribute to your overall value.  Once you identify your strengths, lean into them. What else could you do with them? The more you do the things you’re good at, the better you’ll feel about doing good things.

4. Challenge Negative Thoughts:

Whenever you catch yourself thinking negatively about yourself, challenge those thoughts. Are they based on facts, or are they skewed by self-doubt? This is a common practice in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy.  A patient may say something like, “nobody likes me.”  And the therapist might challenge them with questions like, “what’s the evidence?” Or “Is there contrary evidence?”  And you can do the same thing when you catch yourself having negative thoughts.  Not all thoughts are reality, but you may not know if you don’t ask yourself, “is that thought true?”

5. Celebrate Achievements:

No matter how small, acknowledge and celebrate your accomplishments. We do this for kids all the time whether it be taking their first steps, going down the slide, or learning to ride a bike.  We cheer and cheer like it’s the best thing in the world.  And this reinforces the activity so they’ll want to do it again and again.  For adults, celebrating our wins reinforces the belief that we’re capable of achieving our goals.  So we can feel confident setting new goals and achieving more than we thought we ever could.

6. Practice Self-Care:

Taking care of your physical and mental well-being sends a message that you value yourself. While this can be practicing a healthy lifestyle with good sleep, exercise, and healthy eating, it can also look like just doing something for you: reading a book, watching a movie, sitting in nature.   Engage in activities that make you feel good and rejuvenated. If you feel like your day is too busy, schedule an activity you enjoy into your day.  Put a 10 minute walk on your calendar so you can reset and work more efficiently after.

7. Cultivate a Growth Mindset:

Embrace challenges as opportunities for growth. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed when a new task is added to your to-do list. But if you can look forward to your conquering of such obstacles as self-improvement, then you can gain an appreciation of your accomplishments rather than seeing it as just another problem. There’s always going to be another problem to solve.  And even if you struggle to solve it, you can view those failures as learning experiences that contribute to your development.

8. Surround Yourself with Positivity:

Spend time with people who uplift and support you. This can be hard when you have friends or family you feel are contributing to your negativity.  If they really love you though, you can have a conversation with them about how you’re trying to cultivate positivity in your relationships.  And if they still feed you negativity, it’s ok to limit your time with them so you can spend more time with those who give you encouragement.  Positive relationships like that can reinforce your self-esteem and boost your self-confidence.

9. Limit Social Media Comparisons:

Remember that people often present a curated version of their lives online. Do you air your dirty laundry online for all to see?  No.  And neither does anyone else. So measuring yourself against everyone else’s carefully curated pictures and accomplishments is not a realistic way to judge your self-worth.  Comparing yourself to others can lead to unrealistic standards and decreased self-esteem. Instead, focus on what you can control and celebrate your own little wins and achievements as suggested in #5 above.

10. Practice Assertiveness:

This can be a hard one for a lot of people because we may not want to come across as aggressive or overbearing.  But when it’s appropriate it’s great to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs confidently.  As long as you can do it in a respectful way your ideas will likely be appreciated by others just as you value their perspectives. Being assertive in this way can help you establish healthy boundaries that can then assist in more effective communication.

11. Visualize Success:

Picture yourself overcoming challenges and achieving your goals. Visualization is a great tool used by top athletes and aviators.  Seeing it in your mind allows your brain to practice all the synaptic connections needed to perform the task. It can work for non-physical tasks too. Try it.  Actually form an image in your mind of completing a task that is important to you. Seeing yourself do it in your mind’s eye can boost your confidence and motivation to take action.

12. Accept Compliments:

This is a difficult one for a lot of people who prefer to maintain a fair amount modesty. However, when someone offers a compliment, you can accept it graciously instead of dismissing or downplaying it. Even if you don’t verbally thank the person for the compliment, you can accept it internally and feel good about yourself for what you did to deserve the praise.  Accepting positive feedback like this allows you to reinforce your own self-worth.

13. Learn from Failures:

My favorite cliché for this one is, “it does not matter how many times you get knocked down, but how many times you get back up.” Instead of dwelling on failures, analyze them for lessons. You can learn from your mistakes and misfortunes.  Look at what led to the lack of success and then give it another go with a new and improved plan.  Each setback can provide insights that contribute to your growth and resilience.

14. Seek Professional Support:

Just because this is last on the list, does not mean it has to be a last resort.  Seek care early and often if indicated.  If low self-esteem significantly impacts your daily life, consider seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who can help you navigate these challenges.

Remember that building self-esteem and self-confidence is a continuous journey. Be patient with yourself and allow these strategies to become habits that gradually transform how you perceive yourself and your capabilities.

I thank you for exploring these strategies for empowerment with me.  And I encourage you to thank yourself too for taking the time to learn a few ways to feel better about yourself.

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I'm Dr. Kevin Heacock, The Flight Shrink... Keep on flyin'!